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Chri$tma$!:Wednesday, December 21, 2005

It's that time of year again, and with all the hustle and bustle of the silly season, it's easy to forget the real story behind Chri$tma$. It's a beautiful story, about a child, three wise man and some old dude with a beard.

There was once a small child, who in order to protect his privacy, we'll call Jesus (to pluck a name out of a hat). His parents JoeyJoJo and Libby had worked hard throughout the year to get by. As humble Christians, their God demanded that each year at Christmas, they sacrifice a cow as a mark of respect.

One year, they were visited by three wise men. One wise man, a leader of a great western country
said "our tax revenue sure is low at the moment, what ever can we do to increase it? I'm running out of $100 bills to light my Cuban Cigars with. Also, we nedd a diversion from that damn war we're pretending to fight"

The second wise man, shorter and greener than his companions said "Loolpa-khaan thzzzz ping!", which translated into English meant "You human scum shall die, die DIE", which really means "we must find a way to placate the human population before Project Extinction begins on January 6".

The third wise man, who happened to be the president of a large soft drink corporation, who in order to avoid getting sued, we'll call 'Cock' said "We'll I've got just the plan, why don't we commercialise Christmas, using a big red and white mascot, not dissimilar to our Cock logos, and get the lower classes to spend all their money, making them happy, and generating tax all at once."

"Hurrah!" said the three wise men. Except for the green one, who said "yinnnnGAA", which roughly translated means "All hail Kodos!".

And thus Chri$tma$ was born, and the population was forever ruled by the dollar, Cock and a boodthirsty alien.

Little baby Jesus, and his parents rushed out immediately, brought iPods, Robo-Raptors and other things for each other, all in the spirit of Chri$tma$. Hurrah!


Rohan said...

you have once again out done yourself in a media of stupidity and sarcasum...

i congradulate you..

now, i need to get a Robo-raptor, and a Ipod.

3:45 PM 

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